She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
