Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
