I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
