Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
