my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
