just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
