just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
