I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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