He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
