During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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