im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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