Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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