I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
