you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize