I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
