I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
