the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
there is glitter all over my balls
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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