I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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