So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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