I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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