I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone shattered a urinal.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
