sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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