TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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