while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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