He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i think i just lost a toe
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
