new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My balls are so social today.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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