I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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