I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My room smells like vodka and shame
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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