I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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