Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
