He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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