So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
