I could make wine with my vomit
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
