ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize