i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
