if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
