Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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