i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
