We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this boner is exhausting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize