I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
