when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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