My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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