you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
