Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found a bag of teeth...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
