how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
