I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
