I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
