New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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