Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
