CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
