he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
