new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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