No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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