I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
