My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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