The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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