The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize