you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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