I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
