Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was like eating out sand paper
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
