I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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