My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
