Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
