Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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