u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
