im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize