"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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