respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
