you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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