He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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