Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
