All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
