is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
