even my farts smell like vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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